Alice Cooper is running for President and Prime Minister, with a campaign slogan of “Make America Sick Again.”
“Alice Cooper is tired of the rhetoric, the mudslinging, the media frenzy,” reads a prepared statement. “Keeping his snake in his cage and the guillotine in storage, he is putting people before career. Alice Cooper wants to be elected.”
Cooper’s platform includes:
1. Getting Brian Johnson back in AC/DC
2. A snake in every pot
3. No more pencils, no more books
4. Adding Lemmy to Mt Rushmore
5. Rename Big Ben “Big Lemmy”
6. Groucho Marx on the $50 bill
7. Peter Sellers on the £20 note
8. Cupholders required for every airplane seat
9. Ban on talking during movies in movie theatres
10. Ban on taking selfies, except on a designated National Selfie Day
In honor of his presidential bid, Cooper has released a new version of his song “Elected,” which you can stream.
Check out candidate Cooper’s full platform at his official campaign website, votealicecooper.com.